The Offer You Can't Deny

              Whenever I got home I called my mom. I'm just very happy that I have this kind of relationship and communication with my mom. She's more than just a parent to me, she's my friend who I trust 100%.
              - Hi, - somehow my voice wasn't that stable anymore. I'm sorry, I think I kind of suck. I thought I could do anything, and it's been just week, and I feel like I failed, I'm afraid that I'll give up... I mean, I promise, I'll find a way. We've always found one. What? Mom! I know.... Okay.... Thanks.
              Through our conversation. the person, who I'm grateful for who I am now, gave me probably the greatest advice I could get at this point. She told me to stop thinking about money, which she let me to borrow from her, and to understand that this kind of mood does not suit the city or me. 'Everything you get, everybody you meet is your own reflection, so if you're sad, concentrated on money and hopeless, you probably won't find things you should find.'
              Even though, usually I'm the person who makes most of the decisions in my life pretty independently, this time my mom, which happened in my kindergarten for the last time I think, told me what to do. 'Use this week exploring the city, finding new awesome places, meeting interesting and friendl
y people and just enjoying your time. Oh, and get a new pair of jeans!'
              Do I need to say that I was totally ok with such an order?
              The next day I got to the ATM and got some money which honestly already made me happy (that makes me sound like a total dependent on materialistic world). The first thing to get in NYC for some touristic exploring? 1-week Unlimited Metro Card!
              The night before I created the top list of places I wanted to visit in NYC.
              Central Park was #1 in this list.
              So wearing typical Central Park uniform - tank top, shorts and headphones, I went on my real New York City run. Running on the path and observing all the gorgeous views of the nature including blooming flowers, shadowy trees and singing birds, I could not believe I'm in the heart of Manhattan until I looked up and saw the tops of skyscrapers.
              The sun was warming up not only the city, but all of us - joggers, bikers, skaters. It was getting hotter and hotter every minute, so I decided that such a great morning start for my NYC experience should be continued with a cup of coffee and a book. Maybe for you, my dear reader, it doesn't mean anything special, but for me this was a moment of true happiness which later became my normal mood in the city of dreams. Sitting on the grass in the tree's shadow with a great book by my favorite author in my hands with a cup of amazing strong dark roast, I though to myself: 'what else is happiness, if not this?'

                As I was pretty close to Strawberry Fields, I definitely went there to see the place I've listened the song about hundreds of times. Just a few meters from it, I saw the peace sign with flowers covering it and a few pictures of John Lennon in the center. I couldn't believe that I actually have this opportunity , this honor to be here. Right around the corner I saw the building where John Lennon was killed. Being the Beatles fan since I was 12 these places were some kind of sacred territory where I was allowed to go which was very important and valuable to me.
              Just following random paths and enjoying the weather I saw a statue. 'I definitely saw it before,' - I thought. And in a few seconds realizing what it is, I actually said out loud, which I have to admit was very unexpected and out of nowhere to other people: "Balto!" It was one of my favorite movies when I was little, and here it is, the monument I've seen in movies so many times. It felt like I was inside the movie! I was about 4 or 5 when I was watching it. This made me to realize that tomorrow is my birthday. Would I ever believe if somebody 15 or even 5 years ago told me that my 19th birthday I'll be celebrating in the city that never sleeps, the city where your dreams become true, the city that gives or breaks hopes?

What doesn't kill me makes me stronger

             - Alright guys, how long on that avocado sandwich? - I asked the kitchen crew after looking at my watch that showed 9 minutes of customers' waiting time
             - Mommy, who are you to ask or demand anything outta here? We're doing what we can, -The kitchen manager laughed at me, getting a pita from the package.

             I've been working in the place for 4 days now. And I didn't see anything but horrible attitude both from crew and customer sides.
             The place presented itself as a superhealthy place. What was it in real? Not-ever-washed rags, greasy plates you could barely hold in your hands, decaf coffee instead of real coffee (whenever there were decaf leftovers, they were poured into regular coffee. The only comment I got on this was "they won't understand or die so who cares"). Whenever I put attempts into changing the situation all I got were laughs and smirks from colleagues.
             The worst part about it started whenever I was still considered a trainee but somehow replaced the real servers. As all crew was too busy sitting in front of all managers putting new pictures on Instagram and updating their statuses on Twitter, I literally got the pressure of the entire place all on me. People got very annoyed and kept shouting things like that: 'why I've been sitting here and waiting for somebody to come up here for 5 minutes?'

Ok, it's not the place I've worked at. But it was close to that!

             So I talked to people, trying to calm them down and encouraged my co-workers to start doing what  all of us were supposed to do.

             - Missy, I've been here for 28 years now. I've seen three generations of management in this place. Are you really trying to tell me when to get to the table?
             - But they've been there for 8 minutes already! - almost crying, I insisted. I couldn't
understand how very simple things that are supposed to be part of common sense were so had to be understood here.
             - I'm BUSY now! - she almost shouted at me sitting at empty table and eating some frozen yogurt with strawberries.
             I couldn't let this go, so I just started serving the table. Two young girls were very friendly with me. They had a few modifications and requests I've given to the kitchen, but everything was served in time perfectly.
             'Thank you so much! Everything was just amazing!' - they said leaving the table.
             Just in a few minutes, the manager called me to the front. The young ladies give me compliments in front of the manager.
             - Excuse me, ma'am but she wasn't your waitress. She's just a trainee, - the manager said.
             - We know, and she did a great job, - the young lady smiled and gave me 15$ tip right in my hands.  I smiled and thanked her.

             As soon as the girls left, the manager came up to me and publicly took the money out of my hands passing it to the other waitress.
             - But she was sitting there the entire time on her phone, - I couldn't believe how unfair the whole situation turned out especially considering the fact that the manager saw everything happening.
            The waitress started coming to every other employer and telling them how much of ungrateful trainee I am. And I was just looking at all of this and started asking myself - what am I doing in this place? At that moment I realized that I probably value more that this. Even though I don't have place to go now, I know I deserve better. I just knew that this was definitely the bottom, so I took my cap and apron off, got my handbag and went to the exi
t of the cafe.
            The manager obviously asked for some kind of explanation. Well... as we all do something for the first time in our lives, I totally told everything I though about management and working conditions right in his face. I have always been a very calm person my entire life, so I didn't expect it from myself even. The only thing the manger told me was "We know. We suck."
             Walking away I saw that waitress that got the tip who, smiling at me, said: "It's New York, sweetie, and not Oklahoma or even Russia. You definitely won't survive here with such an attitude."
             I left the cafe and started walking towards subway station.
             And then it started raining. At first I got very sad, but then I thought: 'Doesn't this how it happens in the movies?'
             Running down the street I saw Starbucks. Confession time. Sometimes I went to Starbucks to use their wi-fi. But I promise I bought their staff sometimes. I did!
            So I was sitting right next to the window and watching the view I've dreamed about for the past couple of months. Yellow taxis kept crossing the street, businessmen throwing away the packs from their sandwich-lunches, a few fashionistas walking with their little chihuahuas... And here's me - miserable, sad, poor, alone. Was moving to New York City really a right thing for me to do? Maybe my friends were right, and should have stayed there.
            Being pretty tough in my nature, I was ready to cry. But then I saw a family with two little kids.
            The younger boy made the face to the other one and did some kind of a funny dance behind his father's back. The other boy saw that and started laughing and then he saw me in the window. He realized that I've seen the whole seen and told his older brother. The other boy looked at me, but, seeing my unconscious smile, he just started cracking up.
             These two little boys were so happy and amused with this little and, from the first sight, unimportant situation! They were laughing and kept smiling at me. It was still raining, but they just kept catching the drops from the sky and dance in the rain. They were so happy! And I couldn't help smiling while looking at them.
            It made me ask myself: why do I let all of this unimportant things make unhappy? Life goes on! I'm in the city of my dreams! I'm where I'm supposed to be.
            With a wide smile on my face I left Starbucks and went home.
             

Job in New York City

            Coming to New York City, I remembered one of my previous friend's words: 'If you're coming to NYC,there won't be a problem for you to find a job AT ALL.'

            As all people tend to believe everything they would like to believe in, I believed that without checking this information. However, it wasn't that easy at all. Especially for a youngster with no education except High School Diploma and no experience. 

            I decided to walk down the street and come in in every single place that seemed to be hiring. But every single place asked me the same question: 'How many years of experience do you have?' Neither my strong and passionate willing to work, nor my qualities were enough to get a job.

            One of my friends, who were now living in New York City, but who I found a lot earlier than these big changes in our lives, suggested me to look for
a job on Craigslist.

            - Craigslist? Sasha, you must be kidding me! What can you find there? Some sketchy invitation to massage position? 

            Sasha though insisted on looking for a job through this website. 

            - Try to look for an "open call" opportunities, - she said.

            The next day I was standing in front of the little cafe-deli-restaurant with a great promising name: Truly Healthy Manhattan Bistro. 

            I came in and asked about the post I found online. 

            - Ohh.... You need to talk to the Boss about that. 

            I got a quick interview, and in about an hour I got signed up for training. How excited I was! Even though this place definitely wasn't the place of my dreams, but it had people coming in and buying. That meant to me only one thing: I can make some money here.

            - You just need to finish a week-long training. 

            Every day I got up at 5AM to get to work for the opening, getting there on my bike all the way down from 153rd st. to 56th st. I left every day at 4-5 o'clock which wasn't too bad. As it happens in most of New York places (restaurants, cafes and etc.), I didn't make a single penny for the training doing all the work. But I was absolutely alright with that. I was on the first step of fulfilling my American Dream. 

Do the Harlem shake

            I knew approximately where I’m supposed to go. Well, I knew it by looking at maps. So I was totally relying on Google Maps. And here I am in La Guardia airport with violin, backpack and two heavy suitcases that were barely accepted with the limit of acceptable weight.

            I got to the bus station which was pretty full of people. At that moment I relied that communication skills aren't that bad in NYC. People offered me help and put my luggage inside the bus.

            On the way from the airport I was looking at the skyscrapers, bridges, the river, few private cars and the yellow ocean of taxis surrounding our bus. People around me had very serious faces on, while I was smiling as a little child. Everything looked like some part of  a movie to me.

            Asking which stop it was and if I had not missed mine, I finally got to final stop and changed to subway.

-                                - Good afternoon, ma'am. How can I get to subway? Do I need some kind of card? – I asked the lady in the assistance box. 
                                   - 2.50, - she replied to me. Her face showed pretty well that she was amazed with my smartness.

Some people helped me to drop my luggage over the entrance machines. Now I had to get to 145^th. I had no clue which train or which way I’m supposed to go. Asking people, they asked me only one question: “Uptown or downtown?” I didn’t know as I was acknowledged with the name of my final station only.

Somehow, asking people on the streets and working some inner maps in my head, I figured out where the house is. How happy I was! I’m almost home.

In a few minutes I realized that my apartment was on 6^th floor with no elevator.

I experienced a great workout carrying my luggage. After about 15 minutes, sweaty and tired, I rang the bell on my new apartment's door. I didn't realize how fast everything happened and I gave away nearly all the money I saved back in Oklahoma on my move-in deposit. All I had left was money to get my transportation - bike and living expenses for the first week. 

I decided to make my first walk in my first neighborhood in NYC. 

- 'Sup, pretty!'

- 'Watcha doin' here, Snow White?'

I wasn't scared at all, as, first of all, I was mentally prepared for this, and, more than that, I consider myself pretty tough after living in Russia for 17 years. However, I still decided to keep my family back home away from knowing the whole picture of my current location in NYC.

Upper West Side sounds slight better than Upper Harlem, right? (Just saying, but apparently all the songs I sing tend to change my reality. Yep, you're thinking exactly what I've been thinking - 'DO THE HARLEM SHAKE')

My new roommates suggested me to just ignore everything by straight and confident walking. They looked very mature and experience in NY life to me, so I kept asking them about life here a lot.

18-year-old, all by myself, with 70$ in my pockets till I find job, I didn't know how I'm going to survive here, but somehow I knew I was going to be alright.

It’s time to press “Play”

My conversation with my adviser after she got the withdrawal form wasn't long at all. I really respected and loved her; she showed me the world of communication and showed me my place in it. She worked for us only; she wanted us to be great professionals in what we do.

- Linda, you’re really fast in your decisions. You need to think about this opportunity more, put all of the advantages and disadvantages on a scale…

- I know it’s only May and school starts in September. I understand I have money to pay rent only. I realize that I don’t know anybody there. But I also know that’s what I want to do, that’s where I want to be, and exactly when I want to leave.

- Do what your heart tells you to do, but please remember that you can always come back.

I loved and respected her more than most of the people I met in my life. But even she couldn't stop, because nothing could stop me.

I found some place online to stay at for the price I was able to pay. It was great to understand that I’m moving to New York, Manhattan.

Packing my staff I realized I’m a shopaholic, and I need to stop… Yeah, the United States changed me a lot by involving me pretty intensively in the pure consumer society. I mean, I never really refused to do that, but 4 pairs of jeans kind of surprised and scared me a little bit.

As my flight was at 6.15 AM my friends and I decided not to go bed. We've been talking for hours discussing our plans for the future, dreams and travelling ideas. It was great… At that moment I realized that probably it’s not that safe to live in Oklahoma where tornadoes are not that big of a deal, the landscape is pretty constant and food is all pretty much fried (dear reader, I’m giving you full rights to blame me for not liking fried food). But honestly, traveling around the world and specifically in the United States, I found out that Oklahomans are probably the greatest, the nicest, the kindest people you probably ever going to meet in the entire world.

They never refused to help me but refused to take money for gas, they listened to me if I needed to be listened. Moving up north I knew that communication between people is going to be in a very different way. However, I was ready to pay this price.

Standing in the airport customs’ lane, my friends stood next to me, and id didn't feel like I was leaving. I couldn't and I’m pretty sure my friends weren't able to understand that this is THE MOMENT.

I hugged them and smiled. “Bye guys! I love you so much. Thank you for everything!”

‘Cookies or pretzels, ma’am?’

‘Umm... cookies and orange juice please’ – I mumbled waking up.

I couldn't get back to sleep on this flight again because the only thing that was filling my mind was New York which was now just 2 hours and 45 minutes away of flying.

Finally after reading some random magazines, looking at duty-free catalog  listening to on-air radio and watching kind of a random movie about some old people in elderly house with tons of drama there, I heard the flight assistant announcing that we’re close to destination and it’s time to buckle up.

‘Don’t forget to turn off your electric devices,’ – the voice repeated a few times.

But no, I wasn't going to do that as I was about to fulfill one of my mini-dreams and make a check point in my buckle list. I opened my music gallery and found the folder “Favorite.”

I could both feel and see the plane getting lower every minute. It was the perfect moment and pressed “Play.”

Looking for the first time at the New York City from the bird’s point of view and hearing the first chords of Frank Sinatra’s unofficial hymn of the city, I could see us passing above Central park, Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty and other iconic details of the city.

If I can make it here, I can make it anywhere.

It’s up to you, New York, New York

Living this moment I was realizing that I will always remember it as it is my official start of brand new life.

The Decision

It was going to be an exciting night. I was getting my documents ready to have my 6 PM flight to New York City, when I found my acceptance letter in the folder with other important papers. There was nothing unique or special about this transfer acceptance letter from Baruch College for anybody else but not for me, Linda, the dreamer and the achiever.

Many sleepless nights, dreams, fears, tears, and smiles were for me in this letter. Since I decided to come to the United States to study I've always wanted to go to Baruch, but, unfortunately, being 17-year-old freshie I couldn't afford on-campus living in NYC which was required.

Now, after long 2 years in Oklahoma I was ready to move on, go to the land where all dreams come true. I applied as soon as I got eligible for it. Opening the e-mail with the admission decision the internet connection got pretty nervous too.

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These minutes were equal to hours and days of waiting for me. I see little pictures and blue lines slowly appearing on my tiny screen.

“Sorry…”

I didn't have to reads the rest.

I tried to think that my decision to transfer wasn't that good. I assured myself that things are happening the best way they can happen.

The new semester was coming. I committed myself to work 46 hours a week and took 18 hours a semester. I did everything I could to not think about this, to cut my entire free time, to reduce my communication with friends who kept asking the same question: “How is your plan with that COOL school in NYC?”

The deadline to apply for fall semester was getting closer. I unliked all pages in social networks connected to Baruch as they kept reminding me to try again. I don’t know why, but for the first time in my life I was scared. Scared to be refused AGAIN.

Two days before the deadline I met one of my friends who was one of few people who actually cared about me and understood my weird personality pretty well.

“You know, you have a chance to get out of here. Get out somewhere where you can achieve anything. And I know you can do anything, I believe that you can do anything. Apply tomorrow and don’t lose this chance.”

This application process was very different from what I did before. I did it fast, in one day. In my letter I put nothing but truth, I confessed how much I want the challenge which I didn't get in my present school in Oklahoma at all.

And then I got it, a letter, and not an e-mail, that invited me to join one of the greatest business schools in NYC.

Now, holding this letter and feeling the excitement filling my heart I was thinking about the challenge New York prepared for me.

‘Did you take your passport?’ – My best friend Emily, who became my real family in the foreign land of Oklahoma, asked. Catching my smile with a drop of embarrassment, she thankfully didn't even say a single word to our other roommates about that great time I nearly got late to my plane because I forgot my passport. ‘Ready to go?’

It surprised me how few people were at the airport. The storm was going throughout the United States, and I concluded that this was the main reason of unpopularity of flights today. Seeing that my flight is an hour late and comparing this to the fact that every other flight apparently got cancelled, I tried to see this as a good thing. Emily left, and I stayed at the dark airport alone.

After a few hours I saw the message on the board claiming “CANCELLED.”

Now my flight info line stopped being a unique green light of hope and under the pressure joined the majority.

Not worried at all, I went to the airline desk.

“Are you kidding me? In 3 hours from Tulsa?” – Emily was shouting in the phone on her way back to Will Rogers. “We’ll make it.”

Flying/driving on the wings of hope and dream we got to Tulsa right in time. I went inside being happy looking at the pretty “green” flight schedule screen.

However, in about 2 hours my flight was cancelled again.

“Coming back now,” – yawning said my friend.

I was leaving Tulsa airport after one of the worst nights in my life filled with nothing but fear, tears and anger. I looked at Oklahoma again and realized that was the exact time I was supposed to get to JFK. My brain didn't even give a choice or asked for my view on this situation. Nope, not at all, the decision was made.

The only words I told Emily on the way back: “I’m leaving Oklahoma for good next week.”